the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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