This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
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i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
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He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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