Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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