i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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