I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
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I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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