Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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