a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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