It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
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her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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