The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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