Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We had to coat check the pizza.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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