I accidentally burped into my bong.
4 words: hood of his car
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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