yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
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You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
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Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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