So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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