I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
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Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
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It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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