yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize