I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god was she eating orange peels again
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize