I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
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My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
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He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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