Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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