My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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