I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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