First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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