Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
...so i touched it.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
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My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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