I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize