Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
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apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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