Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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