i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize