I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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