I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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