she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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