your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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