I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Found the puke drawer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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