Can i not drive my cunt home
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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