I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize