by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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