i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
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Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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