So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize