I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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