he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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