Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
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But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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