I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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