Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
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He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
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Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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