Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
as a side note pls kill me
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize