There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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