sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
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and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
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The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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