If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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