Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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