you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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