Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize