Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize