Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It was confusing and full of hummus
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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